Dark Shadows

So, I went to watch Dark Shadows and, well, I have about the whole movie-worth of issues with it. The only good thing about the movie is Johnny Deep, Tim Burton and his wife (Who I have never been able to spell the name right.) Now, here's the many things wrong with the movie:

First, No Story: It's like a bunch of clips of the same characters but not really related, since most of the movie was Barnabas Collins, played by Johnny Deep, having some kind of physical connection with some lady character. Second, not enough main girl: She appears at the start, in a montage and at about three other scenes in the last half of the movie, each apparition wasn't worth it and gave nothing new to the story. Three, too much sex-related stuff: No, seriously, too much. A bunch of scenes were Johnny Deep doing stuff with one of the female characters. Fourth, COMPLETE UTTER RANDOMNESS: Really, both main characters end up as vampires, Barnabas' girl descendant turns out to be a werewolf, her brother is a spirit medium, his dead mother is actually a banshee, his dad disappears, Tim Burton's wife (Who's name always gave me trouble for spelling) died and was sent to the bottom of the sea (But she didn't really die) and a group of hippies die. See? Random.

I'm saying this one straight: Dark Shadows is NOT worth your time nor money. It sucks, the only moments it made me laugh was because other people had contagious laughter and, honestly, it falls short of what a Tim Burton movie should really be. I'm sad and disappointed at his lack of style and effort to make this movie better, which it could have been. Actually, this movie couldn't have been much worst. If you go see it, do so at your own peril.

My Regards and Best Wishes,

Ell J. Converse